No Ordinary Love: Following Faith to the Altar
2010 continues to serve as the year to badger the Single Black Woman so, I find it refreshing that several of my close friends have announced engagements and pregnancies. *Adjusts bridesmaid dress & tosses rice* A close friend, @KaseoSpades, just got engaged! *throws confetti* Her road to relationship bliss was not the norm, and she experienced her share of bad relationships and poor decisions. This time however, she tried a different approach as she and her fiance began as faith-based friends (Muslim) in different cities, and fell in love entirely over the phone. That’s right. No Zoosk, eHarmony, Millionaire Matchmaker, or club rendezvous. They shouted “love” after 2 months, and…wait for it… decided to remain celibate (read NO SEX of ANY capacity in the CHAMPAGNE ROOM) until marriage! I asked @KaseoSpades a few questions about love, marriage, and making it work. Single readers, her advise could provide direction whilst waiting for your MR.,…hey, she’s engaged. *smile*
Dawnavette: So! The general background is the two of you were introduced through a mutual friend that shared the same values and goals, and you began a rather “old-fashioned” courtship. When did you know the relationship could be more than a great text/phone friendship and relationship?
@KaseoSpades: We began emailing each other and when I felt comfortable, I gave him my number. Through the phone conversations and text messages I learned his quirks, sarcasm, moods, then came the “exfoliation” period. This is when we got to the core, learning if we share the same values and qualities Allah would have us love each other for. I realized I love him simply for following Allah, and the fact he would love, provide, and respect me and my child. Ultimately, my mind decided and my heart followed.
D: You crazy kids fell in love…that’s beautiful! Why did you decide to remain celibate till marriage considering you both have had sex prior to each other? [Both have children from previous relationships]
K: Our religious belief was the primary factor. The lack of intimacy is actually great! I enjoy the sexual buildup, tension and anticipation. There is more focus on conversation and we have a deeper knowledge and understanding of each other.
D: What if you aren’t sexually compatible?
K: I am confident in my sexuality and ability to “make it work” (like Tim Gunn). The mental connection is already in place so I believe Allah/God will allow for physical compatibility and satisfaction.
D: As your relationship is not the norm, surely you’ve had opposition and skeptics. Share some of your greatest challenges.
K: Well, we decided to get married, and that meant assessing our personal comfort level with that decision. Marriage is something the couple must be more than sure about. You know rather soon in getting to know someone if you could be married to them or not. Usually family and friends, with their opinions, expectations and pressures that bring about insecurities. Their opinions are often based on their personal experiences and they are anxious to say “I told you so.” You have to be sure about the decision and ignore all doubt. Be careful who you allow into your world or with whom you share emotions. Rely on faith, because the Creator will sustain you.
D: Congratulations again on your engagement! What’s next for the two of you?
K: We’re setting a date and planning our wedding, just excited and ready to begin our lives together!
K: Have a stake in marriage and be determined to make it work rather than focus on the option to walk away. As long as it is a healthy relationship, go for it! It’s hard out here, and waiting often allows the naysayers (haters) to deter you from the decision to follow your heart. Consider all the relationships most people go through, sex included but dissolve after six months. Try putting the creator first and let him guide you to a compatible mate and happy marriage! To the skeptics, get ya faith up! It could happen to you too!
Well, alert the media, another single Black woman found a mate! LOL. Just kidding, but it’s such a joy to see people in love. More to come on the couple’s nuptials, for I’ll surely be in attendance! Thanks to @KaseoSpades for the honest take on her relationship and recent blessings. Appreciate you sis! The point in sharing her love story was not to persuade your opinion in any way, but to present an alternative perspective through a quick interview and testimony. By sharing examples of what works in Black relationships, particularly the opposite of their depiction throughout popular culture and media, affirms that the Black woman, and couple, are in fact multi-dimensional with diverse stories of success. What are some of your alternate love stories? I know you’re out there… with varied experiences in a variety of brown shades!